And a happy diwali it was!

Since I whined about Diwali in my previous post, it is only fair I tell you how wonderful my Diwali actually turned out to be. Since diwali was on a Tuesday, we called people over the following Saturday for a diwali dinner.

Tuesday - we lit up diyas all over house and sang aarti along with you tube and I made besan ke laddoo. I have never been an ambitious cook but recently tried my hand at the aforementioned laddoos - small quantity, made about 5 of them but they were really good. Since then I have made these fat-ladden little balls of pleasure twice in a month. Someone really needs to stop me!
Saturday - We had about 15 friends coming over so I made a couple of easy things (read fried potatoes) and bought other things and delegated a few more. We lit lamps again and my bestest friend came over in the evening when we made rangoli all over the house. We had tried our hands at rangoli last year as well and managed a sad looking flower. I think we are getting better every year! We had a great time - everyone enjoyed the food and we played pictionary till late in the night. One of the friends got half a pound of jalebis. Now I love jalebis and haven't been able to find the freshly fried ones you get in Delhi and I must say these ones came pretty close. It is safe to say I had 75% of the said jalebis.
Sunday - After cooking/cleaning the entire day on Saturday, we literally did not get up from the couch all of Sunday. My husband (hence be known as the Mad Scientist or the MS) made scrambled eggs for lunch which we ate while reading the thick New York times in the sun and then lazed around some more. We went for a walk by the river in the evening, found a starbucks and sat there chatting forever.

The weekend was so relaxing and happy that I feel I had a mini vacation and not just 2 days off!

I have a Delhi shaped hole in my heart

The festive season is upon us though you wouldn't feel it looking at the glum faces of people here in New York. I miss home the most during this time as each event starting with navratras, dussehra, Karav chauth, Diwali remind me of home and what we did. Especially Diwali. I miss being in Delhi where there is a buzz in the air this time - shops and homes lit up, people shopping in hordes, firecrackers going off, weather finally starting to turn - not cold yet but a lovely nip in the air. I miss not being able to go to puja pandals during navratras and eat that awesome bhog, not sitting through the dussehra puja after which every room in the house would be cleansed with holy smoke, not being able to fast in a big exuberant group on karva chauth ...just about everything.

I remember we used to wake up early on Diwali to help mum make alpana around the house with natural colors - ground rice for white, turmeric for yellow and roli for red. Then we used to decorate the house with flowers and every year we would think of an innovative way. The living room was set with a dry fruit tray and other yummy stuff decorated for the visitors that would be pouring in all day. The rest of the day is a haze now - don't remember what we did but we used to be excited all day. Preparations used to start for the elaborate puja in the evening with khil, sugar toys, batashas and lots and lots of lamps. We used to light candles all over, one for every room and lots of them in the balcony and the doorway to welcome goddess Lakshmi. After puja we would go down for bursting crackers - very harmless ones, sparklers, fountains and the like. When we were slightly older, I used to go out with my friends for a walk round the block and I remember it was beautiful with all houses lit up and people smiling.

I now try to bring some diwali spirit into my house but it is just not the same. And having a dettached husband doesn't help - he is most supportive of whatever I do and cleans up the house and does everything to help but doesn't really understand why I feel so strongly and why I put in so much effort to decorate the house and call people over etc... We generally have a potluck and I decorate the house with diyas, rangoli and for one evening try to recreate those memories and bring diwali into my house...

End of an era

The reason for my absence has been pure laziness to write combined with shocking events at work. Yes, I work for that Wall Street firm which declared bankruptcy a week back. And I was in Europe on Sunday desperately calling S every one hour to give me updates. I couldn't sleep all night as concerned friends kept calling and msging and finally I decided to go to the airport early and demand that they put me on the first flight to NY. Monday at work was surreal - no one knew what this meant and everyone was packing and writing out goodbye emails and furiously emailing consultants. I felt sad and something more than the fact that I will be unemployed troubled me. It was demise of the firm - it has been my first job out of school and have had a fantastic time here over the last 5 years.

I still feel sad that the name will cease to exist - still not used to saying that I work with Barclays. Don't get me wrong - of course, I was relieved that the acquisition went through. I get to keep my job, still have a source of income and not look out in this bad market. But I will still take time to get over the events of the last week - I feel I haven't had a chance to mourn properly and get it out of my system. I know, sounds really silly, this attachment with an employer who I anyways wanted to leave. But it is the end of an era for me - my first job and my first training ground - which I will always remember with fond memories.

Then I hear that some people are actually happy with this turmoil in the Wall Street as "bankers who didn't deserve to earn all that money deserve this". I was really shocked - a significant percentage of people who work in our building are support staff - admins, cleaners, security - are you really happy that these people may have lost their jobs? Don't you think these 'rich bankers' employ household staff, chauffeurs thereby creating jobs? But above all, how can anyone ever be happy with someone else losing their job? You don't know how many people that person is supporting, what charities he/she may be contributing to. It is sometimes amazing how resentful some people are.

Becoming religious

Today a friend asked me a question which led to considerable introspection. I had called her to ask if she wants to accompany me to an iskcon temple in Brooklyn as it is janamashtami and though she said yes, she also asked "what has happened - why the sudden religious streak?". The question sort of took me aback as I haven't really mentioned anything or done anything religious (known to her) recently. I guess the root of her question was why celebrate the little known festival as being away from home you really tend to focus on holi and diwali and durga puja if you are a bong. She was eerily right -

1. I started my monday fasts. I know it is supposed to get you a good husband and I already have one. However, these fasts help me focus - don't ask me how. My morning puja is slightly longer and I light a diya after I come back home and I feel good about it. Also I believe little pain (hunger?) is good for the soul.
2. I did think a bit about janamashtami this year, though past 5 year the festival has come and gone without me even realizing. I actually made besan ke laddoo to offer as prasad as I wanted to do something to mark the day.

Now coming to the key question - why? I thought about it and I think it is because of my job. I have been so frustrated with my work lately and as I have complained before I can't move because of visa issues. So I needed to clear all the negative aspects from my mind and focus on positives - that it has been a lovely summer, I love my husband, my house, have a great group of friends to hang out with. In short, life outside of work has been really great. Praying helps me focus and think clearly. I decided that if nothing gets decided within the next 2 months, I am going to leave my job and chill for a bit - take cake decorating classes, go to India etc. I know the economy sucks etc but I have to take a risk to do what I want to do. There is no second way about it.

The second reason for this sudden enthusiasm towards janamashtami I think is because is was a big deal when we were growing up. My sister and I used to decorate the jhanki (tableau) depicting parts of kishan leela. We had and idol of vasudev carrying baby kishna which used to be placed over a blue painted river, some toy animals which used to be placed on a patch of sand to depict forest and a mirror to show a pond. All our god idols were also placed there completed with a baby kishna on a jhoola. Everyone used to gather around to pray in the evening. Ma and Pa used to fast for the day and go to the temple at 12am to get prasad. Before that around 4pm teatime we used to be served fruit chat and lemonade - don't remember why but this used to happen every janamashtami. Now for most years living abroad, I wasn't really sure how to mark this festival. However, when recently a friend mentioned this iskcon temple, a light bulb went in my head - this was the perfect way! Apparently the temple is not far, easily accessible by subway and is really beautiful. I am looking forward to it!

10 Things I did this summer

• Walked across the brooklyn bridge, waited for pizza at Grimaldi's, had icecream from brooklyn ice factory in the meantime, admired the manhattan skyline from the other side and walked back in perfect weather. Better description here and here.
• Had burgers at Shake shack in Madison square park (I love these!) and ambled over to listen to a brazilian jazz performance. Great weather, good company and excellent background music. Wrote about it here.
• Spent girl time - this is a big deal for me as it has been really really long since I have had a close girl friend living in the same city. But one of my closest friends moved to NYC last year and this summer I went shopping with her, we met up for brunch and went for Mama Mia, very girly day and I had a fantastic time! There is something very freeing about talking to a person who already knows you so well that nothing is out of bounds.
• Dark Knight - I know it is just a movie and I saw countless others over the summer but I have to document this one. I absolutely loved it and it is something since I usually don't like superhero or 'violent' movies but as I try to explain to everyone - it hardly falls into any of those categories. The psychological aspect on which the movie works is far above most of the movies I have seen (admittedly haven't seen Silence of the Lambs - too scared) and the dialogues are phenomenal. " Either you die a hero....or u live long enough to see yourself turn into a Villan... " - oh totally cool!
• Went for Pilobolus - S' university gave us free tickets for a show and to be honest we had no idea what it was. Somehow none of us got time to read much about it either so we went a little anxious after our Burlesque experience. The first act was weird - less dance and more facial expressions by which they were trying to convey something which I totally didn't get and told S that we will leave after act 2 if it doesn't get better. But boy, did it get better. The gravity defying dance that the link talks about started and we were pretty much spell bound for rest of the show. How do they do it!
• Attended a wedding in Breckenridge, which is a ski resort in Denver. It was beautiful - the wedding was outside and the backdrop was snow covered peaks. Met up with with old school friends, went for long drives in the mountains, did a mini trek. Managed to pack in quite a bit in the 3-day memorial day weekend! The town itself was beautiful and very European with cobbled streets (I love these!) and small cafes. Our room was like a ski lodge with a fireplace and heavy wood furniture. We had crepes for breakfast in one of the cafes down the road from our hotel. One evening as we set out to explore town, we discovered these tiny stands selling waffles and crepes with a small fire lit around which you could gather and eat those choc dripping delicacies. It was perfect!
• Tried new restaurants - ilili, Himalayan café, Angon, Indian Bread co., Popover café, Hudson hotel bar, ayurveda café, Barrio Chino, Grimaldis, Supper. Ideally, I should have posted the reviews of all these places here but have been too lazy. If I had to recommend one, it'll probably be Ilili - we went here for restaurant week and rarely have I found such an excellent combination of food, ambience and service. The place is quite big by manahattan standards so you are not jostling for room with your next door neighbour. I still remember the fresh from the oven pita. While it is too expensive for me to go here outside of restaurant week - I would definitely recommend you to make reservations early for the winter restaurant week. Oh - for anyone missing the Delhi University momos - Himalyan café is the place for you.
• La Bayadere Ballet performance - One of my friends booked the tickets for this perfromance at the Lincoln center and I just went along. I am glad I did. La Bayadere which means Temple Dancer is a Russian ballet based on an Indian story. It seemed like a hindi movie with colourful costumes, melodrama n all just that everyone was doing ballet - it was beautiful!
• Went to Bahamas - while this in no way is a ranked list, Bahamas still comes relatively low in the list as we realized that we are done with beach-y vacations. There were 2 lessons learnt from this trip - one, there is only so much lying on the beach doing nothing I can take. I started craving activity after day 2 and there weren't many walking spots in this country and two, I don't have the palate to appreciate fresh seafood if it is served without much seasoning. We found a local joint famous for Bahamian dishes and as fresh as it can get seafood. My bong husband gobbled up the steamed fish they served while I craved for more salt, more pepper, possibly even chili powder and garam masala on mine! :)
• Walked - I know I am ashamed that I am scrambling to put down 10 things but there are so many small things which I had fun doing which I am not sure count for one whole point in this list. Like the time we went to a friends house for dinner on the upper east time and had a great time. Anyway, I digress - so I love walking and given how lazy S is I usually have to drag him even to walk 2 blocks. However, this summer we walked all over the city - maybe because it didn't get oppressively hot and the intermittent rains kept the weather just perfect. We had plenty of after dinner walks, after brunch walks, evening walks and no purpose walks! NYC is one of the best places for people watching and the city comes to life in the summer. Every bit of sidewalk gets converted to 'outdoor seating' for restaurants and you can get to know what is the in-thing this summer by simple people watching around the park. Of course - this summer it was dresses (just when I managed to complete my skirt collection!) and gladiator sandals.

Bachelor Night out

Why do I only feel like writing when I am drunk? So today the weather was really nice and since it was a summer friday, I didn't feel like working at all. I left early and met up with the lone girlfriend I have in the city for dinner. It was so much fun chatting up with her. We went to this really nice coffee place after dinner and chatted till midnight. Then I took her to one of my friends place where there was sort of a mini party going on and everyone was drunk! It was so much fun being the only sober ones and watching everyone making a fool of themselves!! However, it didn't last long as we had four tequilla shots in quick succession and soon we were buzzed too. It was a lot of fun just cracking silly jokes, laughing at nothing at all and helping other drunk people lying all over the house. I didn't mention earlier that S wasn't there as he had to work and he encouraged me to go alone. I realized that I need to go out alone sometimes as though I missed S, it was kind of fun being single for sometime. There is a Europe trip I have been planning to go alone on that I have been having second thoughts on, though after today I think I might go.

Friendships

I have been thinking about friendships recently due to this post as I can totally relate to the first line - I always take my friendships too seriously. I guess since moving out of the house, I have felt slightly distanced from my family and therefore, I leaned on friends. Fortunately, I was lucky to have great people around me who cared for me immensely and were always there for me.
The first memory of making friends I have is in our colony, simply because they were my age group and lived in the same building so we spent evenings playing all kind of silly games, running all over the colony, learning cycling together, climbing one tree and fighting for which branch we will lie on, trying to eat shahtoot (don't know the english for this!) fallen off a huge tree. During summer vacations we would spent the whole day together trying to build brick bridges on puddles of water accumulated from rain, playing ghar-ghar, climbing atop car garages, choreographing various hindi movie songs (don't know why!), enacting out plays and fairy tales (I remember acting out Rapunzel quite clearly). As we grew, we studied for boards together, discussed our first crush, first kiss..all the juicy details! These are the friends I still am most comfortable with - even if we meet after long, there are no awkward silences and we can start off where we left. Recently during one of the said friends visit, I was surprised how quickly we were discussing intimate details of our lives...it is just so easy to open my heart with them.
My later school years and college friends seem kind of fleeting now - we were close then and had some great times together, however, I haven't been able to keep in touch with them. I also felt since we were all preparing for CAT, somehow a sense of competition kind of took away the closeness we shared. I also realized that if I feel betrayed by a friend, I don't forgive easily, something which I am still working on. In college, I found out that a person who I considered very close had taken offence at something I had said and instead of confronting me about it, she sort of bitched about it to someone else. I have never been really able to pick up threads from tha friendship again, which I really regret.
Business school friends hold a special place in my heart as one of the reason I survived staying away from home, dealing with the growing distance I felt with my family was them. We stayed up nights working together or just chatting, shared in the stress and misery and the exhilaration of each others achievements. I met people completely different from me and still got along. I had bitter fights with one of my friends such that he wouldn't talk to me for days, both of us completely did not and still do not get each other, however, still deeply cared for each other. This friend would drop me home in the middle of the night when we were later working in London just so I am safe even if he had to crash at a friends house and sleep on the floor. Another friend flew in to Delhi from Bombay just for my wedding even though we almost hadn't been in touch for a year. Another guy who I barely knew in b-school went on to become one of the closest friends in London. He would come over whenever I was feeling lonely and blue telling me he was only there because I cook well! He is a father now to a handsome young boy.
Which gets me to New York and how it has been difficult to make close friends. I have tons of friends here and hang out every weekend with a different set of people. However, there is none I would call if I am sad - maybe because S fullfills my emotional needs or maybe because it is difficult to develop those kinds of bonds once you are out of school. I have also realized I look for people who are fun, sport to do anything, can hold an intellectual conversation and feel there are very few people who fit that - maybe says a lot about the company I keep! I feel I now have less tolerance for people who are not courteous or don't have basic manners - am done putting up with rudeness or childish politics.
Luckily, communication across continents is easier now and I have friends sprinkled around the world from various stages of my life who are just a phone call away and talking to them always leaves me with a warm, fuzzy feeling even if it after six months or a year.